If I Posed Nude

While I was reading various articles online this morning, I came across one feature on the BBC site about how thousands of people posed nude for a photo to spread awareness about skin cancer. A thought struck me: If I was to pose nude, what would my body show?

Here is the list:

Stretch marks
Third degree burn scars
A scar from staples I had after a surgery that has never gone away
The permanent scar on my neck from when I had a tracheotomy
The permanent scar on my right leg where I had a skin graft done
The skin transplant on my left arm as well as on my face
The cartilage from my rib shaped like an ear to replace the left ear I lost to a fire
Surgical scars from when I had my gallbladder removed
The eight fingers on my hands and the 7 toes on my feet
The stitch scar in the middle of the top of each foot from surgeries done on my feet
The mysterious bump at the top of each foot that doctors say resulted from the toe removal

They say the human body is a work of art. Mine is a patchwork quilt.

 

(NOTE: Any hateful comments will be deleted.)

How to Balance Your Passion for Reading with Your Passion for Living

 

Image Credit: Shutterstock

I love to read. I read several books at a time and often spend a lot of time in my day reading.

 

But I also love living life.

 

Ever since I changed my lifestyle, I made it a point to not allow my love for reading to take up too much of my ability to get out there and do things with my life. I make it a point to read for at least one hour every day, no matter what the day brings. Being able to read at least once a day is super important to me, but so is my ability to do things with my life – especially the things that I haven’t done before.

 

There was a time I was obsessed with my writing career – writing for many hours every day – as well as spending hours reading.

 

Those days are over, but not my passion for reading.

 

In the process of trying to balance my time to read with my time to enjoy life and do things, I have picked up some pointers along the way.

 

I feel that reading books plays a valuable role in our daily lives. There are so many benefits to reading, among them improving cognitive skills as well as improving memory.

 

Reading books is an excellent pastime. It can provide a person with a great way to pass the time or as a passage to learning something new. Studies have shown that reading boosts self-esteem and promotes empathy. Reading nonfiction books helps a person to develop critical thinking skills as well as analyze what they are reading.

 

But can there be too much of a good thing? For some people, this is possible.

 

There are, for example, so-called “bibliophiles” out there who use reading as more than an “escape” from the real world. In fact, they turn to books so often that, in a sense, it becomes their very own world.

 

Where reading for hours was once reserved for children who stayed up late at night reading with the help of a flashlight to deter parents enforcing strict bedtimes, the habit of passing the days reading books is now a part of many booklovers’ lives. It has been this way for me in the past, but I started to notice just how much of my life I was devoting to reading and not much else.

 

It's understandable that a reader would turn to books in such a passionate and endearing way that the act of reading them would overtake their lives, since books have a way of captivating readers with tales of fantasy, adventure, excitement and grandeur. Such stories allow the readers to be someone who they are not – typically in a better and more attractive way. Additionally, such stories can be more exciting to live compared to boring and ordinary real life, at least in a virtual way.

 

However, such an addiction can indeed interfere with said reader’s ability to enjoy life in the real world. While they’re hunkered down for hours at a time, reading their days away, the rest of the world is passing them by. Life is passing them by. They are not out there living it; instead, they take to an imaginary world and choose to live there instead.

 

I am not suggesting that reading books is a bad thing to do. Far from it. What I AM suggesting is that we booklovers need to keep ourselves from getting sucked into this void. By exercising better control over our reading habits, we can ensure that we are still enjoying life while also enjoying our love for books.

 

If you are someone who is bedridden and really have no choice but to pass the time by reading, then I definitely support this habit. I have been there. I have had several stays in the hospital, having many surgeries, and I often passed the time reading. I always had a book (or two or three) at my bedside when in the hospital. In fact, my many stays in hospital as a child is what nurtured my love for reading. What I loved most about reading books while in hospital is that, instead of being stuck in a hospital bed, I was flying dragons in Pern or blasting stormtroopers with Luke Skywalker. My habit of reading many books for several days while in hospital gradually turned me into a booklover who continued those reading habits long after those rounds of hospital stays ended.

 

If, however, you are not in such a position and you do have the opportunity to do other things with your life besides reading, then I strongly encourage you to do so. I can definitely understand how hard it can be to pull yourself away from reading books, especially if they are really good books, but you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to get out there and enjoy life too.

 

After I made the decision that I would try to find a balance between my love for reading and wanting to do other things with my life, I developed some strategies on how I could still fit in some time to read.

 

Here are just some of the things I do to still enjoy reading books while managing to do other things in life, as well:

 

Read while waiting.

When a former coworker told me that she kept ebooks on her phone, that was a pivotal moment for me. I got all over that! What’s one thing I usually always have with me? My phone. What can I do while I’m WAITING for someone or something? Read on my phone! I now have 5 ebook apps on my phone and pop them open to read anytime I am stuck waiting. I also have news apps to read on my phone. It has definitely made the waiting process go down much easier! (And, yes, I do keep a book in my purse, as well, so that is handy to have with me if my phone dies or if the apps are not working.)

 

Read at a certain time of the day.

I have a small stack of books that I try to read every day. (And I say “try” because sometimes my days get so crazy busy that I can only read one or two of them.) I usually sit down with these books to read at the end of my day. There’s nothing quite relaxing as settling into a comfortable chair with a good book to read at the end of the day. Plus, reading the books relaxes me, calms my mind and helps me to transit to going to sleep. On the other hand, I also read a certain book – an ebook on the desktop computer – early in the morning before anybody else is awake. This is the best time for me to read that book, especially since this computer is the only one of the two in the house that I can use. If I don’t read that ebook in the morning, chances are I won’t get to read it later in the day because everybody else uses that computer.

 

Read one book at a time.

This is not advice I follow, because I cannot ever read just one book at a time. Tried it and hated it. I prefer to read MORE than one book at a time! It’s just the kind of reader that I am. However, I have come across MANY comments from readers who claim they can only read one book at a time. And, usually, such readers add that this is because they can only find time to read once in their day, so they stick to just one book. This strategy may work in managing your reading time, because then you’re only reading just one book and won’t spend all day reading it. (Although I must admit there are books I have spent all day reading, because I read the whole book in a day.) So set aside one period of time in your day to read your one book so that you can still have time to do other things.

 

I have heard of other ways readers have managed to squeeze in their reading time without allowing it to interfere with the rest of their day. I don’t do these things myself, but I have heard that they work, so try them as a means of indulging in your love for reading while tackling boring old real life:

 

·        Read while on a train or subway

·        Listen to audiobooks while at work (as long as it doesn’t interfere with work!) or while driving. Alternatively, read while on lunch break at work or during any break at work.

·        Read while eating (I dislike getting food on books or my phone, so if I ever read while I eat, I keep the food on one side of the table and the book on the other. I also read the newspaper AFTER a meal.)

·        Read before bed (NOTE: It helps if the book is boring)

·        Read in between all the things you have to do.

 

There you have it; a bunch of ideas on how to still enjoy reading books like the booklover you are while also participating in the real world. (As much as participating in the real world can suck, it has to be done!) And while these tips may appear to be ideas on how to find time to read, it’s really all about how to enjoy reading time as much as you possibly can without checking out of all the things you still have to do – like go to work. (Yuck!)

 

Reading is great and having hours of free time to read is even better. Sadly, a lot of us have responsibilities to tend to that pull us away from the books we love to read so much. And, you know, it really is healthier to be out there doing things in the world instead of holing up in your room or your house to do nothing except read. While Covid allowed us to live out that fantasy, now we are transitioning back to being in the workplace, society and out there traveling. This means it’s time to get back into the swing of things. Just make sure you always keep a book, or two, with you wherever you go.

The Age of Accountability and the Fallout of Cancel Culture

 

When the #MeToo movement happened, it opened the doors for other forms of action in which everyone – rich or poor, famous or infamous (but usually famous) – was called to account for a past crime. No one was immune to such attacks. These accusations usually took place at around the time such persons were trying to move forward in their careers or to maintain a place of importance in their jobs.

 

Not only did this spark other forms of attack, but it also created an addiction among everyone everywhere to see who the next victim was being burned at the stake. Twitter and Facebook users soon clung to their phones, gobbling up the latest news of who was being called to court now and all the juicy details of their crime. Even worse, this became an ongoing pastime among most folks, keen on dragging skeletons out of everyone’s closet – everyone except their own.

 

When this became widespread, social media turned into a playground for amateur "activists" calling out and publicly shaming people who committed some crime, no matter how legal it might actually have been, or who said something that was actually taken out of context. In fact, the urge to jump on people who are actually innocent of wrongdoing had everyone ready to sling accusations and call for a boycott even when there was no reason to do so. They perceived something that did not match a person's true values or their intentions. 

Sometimes, all it took for someone to fall under the “accountability” radar was just by posting something online that a person, or a majority of people, didn’t like. They didn’t really do anything wrong at all; their attempt at humor or innocent observation is met with someone having their hackles raised or being offended by it so they decide they want to try to “cancel” this person. They start digging around and looking for anything related to this person which may not be socially acceptable, politically correct or even just seen as “bad.” They don’t need to do anything wrong or say anything questionable to become the next target; all they need to do is just post something online that someone doesn’t like. For some people, that is all that it took to make them suddenly be put on trial.

I can’t help but observe this “Great American Pastime” and recall a verse from the Bible: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

 

One can’t help but wonder if this prevailing trend, which seems to be here to stay in society, is more about achieving a sense of superiority over another person simply because they have made that mistake or committed that crime while the accuser had not. In some way, accusers get a sense of “I’m better than them” only because they have not done that kind of thing, and therefore have the right to call someone out for it. Additionally, it would seem that this trend created an angry mob forever bent on going after anyone who seemingly has committed a crime or social faux pas. Are we so determined to destroy people that we now consider it our duty, even a hobby of sorts, to seek out and bring attention to a guilty person? In some cases, it’s not even about pointing out something “bad” that someone did but more about gathering as many victims of these witch hunts as possible in order to gain a sense of being perfect.

 

I have to wonder about all of the people who all of a sudden want to see their tormentor put on trial. Are they blameless of any crime themselves? Are they so perfect that they have never done anything wrong or bad to another human being? The fact is, nobody is perfect. We all screw up. We all make mistakes. And every single human being is prone to commit one crime, mistake or completely unintentional goof or another at some point in their lives.

 

One thing that was created from this trend is what became known as “cancel culture.” First we went after people who committed crimes and brought an end to their longstanding, even respected, careers. Then we went after historical figures and writers. Laura Ingalls Wilder is one such writer who fell victim to cancel culture; the fact that she mislabeled Native Americans in her novels with a derogatory term that was in use at the time she wrote her stories meant her name was removed from a scholarship that was originally created in her name.

 

The only good that came out of cancel culture is that we no longer honor or idolize historical figures who were slaveowners. From there, we took a nosedive into madness and cancel culture spun out of control. 

One can’t help but also wonder why it took so long to call a guilty individual to court. Yes, the crimes are bad, and, yes, the person who committed the crime should definitely be held accountable, but why wasn’t all of that done when the crime happened? I understand that most of the people who sling these accusations are taking advantage of someone’s spotlight to try to ruin them because of a past crime (and this has happened for many celebrities), but is this because they now finally have the courage to stand up and speak out? Or is it all about the money and/or attention they will gain?

 

While we can all understand how holding people accountable for crimes or mistakes is a good thing because someone who committed a crime is finally owning up to it, this trend has created an atmosphere of doubt, negativity and dread among everyone because these very actions have been taken to the extreme.

 

Now, everyone is susceptible of being questioned about their past. Everyone trying to do anything with their lives, usually a good thing, is suddenly put on trial for a past mistake or a past crime. And most folks who know such things exist in their past will decide not to anything with their lives after all, for this very reason.

 

Not only this, but if someone even has ONE mistake or ONE crime – just ONE mark against their character or behavior in the past, when they were still developing, growing and learning – then they will decide that that will be the dealbreaker. This one mistake or this one crime will mean the end of them, no matter how little or insignificant it is. They will see this one blot against their character and understand that the very existence of this one thing means they might as well not try to do anything good now, because it won’t mean anything. People won’t care. They’ll only care about that one mistake, that one crime. That is all they will see.

 

Despite how much life coaches and motivational speakers want us to believe that “the past is the past” or “I am not my past,” such colorful and inspirational quotes won’t stand up against an accusation of a past crime. We can talk about how we have grown, changed and matured since then, but the unfortunate reality is that we’ll end up talking until we are blue in the face because none of it will matter to everyone busy pointing fingers and hurling accusations. Does this mean these sentiments don’t hold much weight? There was a time when they did, but now, in this age of accountability, such claims just don’t cut it. It doesn’t matter how much we have changed. It doesn’t matter how sorry we are. Because all that people will care about is what we did, and they want blood. Apologies mean nothing. A repentant heart means nothing. They want the accused to be punished, and usually in a very big way that could destroy their career or suddenly make them bankrupt.

 

There are good things that have come about as a result of this movement. For one, someone who committed a crime and got away with it will finally be brought to justice. I know someone who committed rape as a teenager and got away with it. As an adult, he raped someone again, and this time he faced imprisonment. In such a case, yes, it’s good that someone committing crimes or who committed a heinous crime is now facing punishment for that crime. (Karma catches up to everyone.) For another, it has empowered the victims of such crimes to speak out. The fact that their tormentor is now put on trial is the one thing they need to find the courage to come forward and confess that they were victimized by this person as well.

Finally, the age of accountability has empowered everyone – male and female, gay or straight, Christian or atheist and Black or white – to speak out when they see someone behaving badly. We can now take notice of a person saying or doing something that used to be tolerated and say to that person, “Stop.” Those kinds of behaviors used to be tolerated but they aren’t anymore. It’s time for a change. We can now speak out against racist, sexist, homophobic and hateful speech because we now have permission to let those people know that we no longer tolerate that kind of behavior.

 

At the same time, this age of accountability has created a major downside that we really need to start exploring. Because everyone is being called out because of a past crime or mistake, anyone with even one mistake or one crime in their past will be forced to stay stuck. They will see how everything that they do to redeem themselves won’t matter because no one will care. They will see how That One Big Thing in their past is the Worst Thing Ever and they will be at the mercy of this thing from their past, holding them back and preventing them from moving forward with their lives.

 

Unfortunately, this may drive some people to commit suicide, because they will believe that this crime from their past will negate everything from their present, no matter how good it is. It will drive some people to addiction, because they will be tormented by their past and stuck in it. By keeping their attention on this one past mistake or crime, they will grow to hate themselves and seek to destroy this Horrible Evil Person that they are because of it. The age of accountability has them believing that everything they do to make up for their past crime aside from being brought to justice will not matter, because their accusers will want the one thing that they cannot live without, such as their thriving career or their hard-earned wealth.

 

This type of thinking will then lead them to believe that they will never be able to redeem themselves. They don’t want to give up their dream or their career or their wealth – the very thing which will actually allow them to redeem themselves, according to their accusers. So they don’t even try to make up for what they did in the past in some other way, because it won’t mean anything.

 

And despite cancel culture seemingly fading from America’s fixation and losing steam on social media, these reactions it has created remain. The belief that one crime or one mistake in the past forever tarnishes a person’s character and value has everyone thinking there is no possible chance for redemption. That they are forever a prisoner to their past.

 

On a personal level, I believe that people can change. I believe that redemption is possible. I don’t hold the past against anyone; I care more about who they are right now. But I also notice patterns. If someone repeatedly does that mistake or commits that crime, whether by accident or intention, then it is obvious that they are making a decision to continue with this bad behavior. In other words, repeating such bad behavior shows that they CHOOSE to be like this, and that they haven’t really changed. They have not learned their lesson, made reparations, sought forgiveness, regretted what they did in the past or changed their ways. For this reason, they do not earn absolution, no matter how much they might want it just to keep their jobs.

 

But what about the rest of the world? What is the decision on how to handle the aftermath of a person being held accountable and “putting in the time served” as a method of repentance? Can we forgive and forget? Are we able to move on? Time will only tell.

 

For some people, this may be too difficult to do. As far as personal relationships are concerned, there may be a threshold that a person’s crime or mistake goes beyond what is “acceptable” in the people we choose to be around. For example, if someone has a history of beating their child or committing rape, that could be the one thing that would end a relationship, friendship and even a job at a business. If someone chooses to abuse drugs, people might be change their minds about wanting to be around them. One woman, for example, lost her job after a video was posted online of her spouting racist words at a Black woman. Even if this woman made amends with the person she verbally attacked and changed her ways long-term, the fact of the matter is that she would likely not get her job back. It is also possible that any friends she lost because of that video would have misgivings about recognizing her changed ways and resurrecting their friendship.

 

Everyone has their own standards on what is acceptable in a coworker, friend, partner and spouse. These standards would pretty much dictate whether or not they would welcome the previously ostracized person put on trial for a crime back into their fold again. There must be some degree of trust met and complete honesty between the parties before they feel comfortable enough to resume their relationships with each other.

 

As to anyone who is struggling with the decision on whether or not they should even bother to do anything good with their lives after a history of bad behavior, criminal activity or immoral habits, there is nothing wrong with at least giving it a try. If a person is truly repentant and sorry for what they did, then they would not do those things again in the present or the future. Putting in the effort to change their ways and make up for the pain they have caused others should at least mean something. It should at least be recognized that they are sorry for what they did, willing to do what they need to do as a “punishment” for what they did, then rebuild their lives with the sole focus on being a changed person and acting in a more acceptable manner. Living a life as a changed person who would not ever again do those things must be their one and only goal. Change is possible. Forgiveness is possible. But first they must forgive themselves and prove they are truly sorry by never doing those things again.

 

In the end, these trends have caused us to take stock of our character. Who we are, how we treat people, and any negative childhood lessons taught to us by the wrong people that we must either eliminate or reverse. Moving forward, we will all be a little more wary and careful about just what we post on social media. If anything, the age of accountability and fallout of cancel culture will mean we will all try to become better humans and create a better world.